Mickey doesn’t live here
By Formerly Fab | October 12, 2008
The biggest difference between Kentucky and Florida? No Mickey Mouse in The Bluegrass State.
Florida is all about The Mouse. I think that Disney vacations seem to be the ultimate dream vacation for most folks. I personally have never been in Disney World. I’ll be in the Orlando area in a few weeks for Adam’s party, but there won’t be time to go to Disney. Adam’s house is more interesting, anyway. There is no mouse, but I think he has rats living in the walls. Or squirrels. Same thing.
I don’t think there are any theme parks here in Kentucky. Maybe one day someone will build a Bourbon World.
That might be worth a visit.
Topics: For Your Information | 11 Comments »
I am a common man
By Formerly Fab | October 12, 2008
I like Vienna sausage. I like Velveeta cheese. I like Tyson Southern Fried Chicken Nuggets.
You couldn’t get me to go to the opera or the ballet if you held a gun to my head. I buy clothes at Wal-Mart. I like domestic beer served very cold. Take that, Eurotrash!
I wouldn’t know a Manolo Blahnik shoe from a five dollar pair of flats purchased from the Goodwill store down the street. My idea of a sound investment strategy is to put one third of my money into lottery tickets, one third into online poker, and one third into dog track betting. That’s just smart money management. You don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket.
So…don’t invite me to any country clubs or cotillion dances. I’d rather stay home and sew patches onto my overalls.
Topics: For Your Information | 4 Comments »
Waiting for the next ghostly shoe to drop…
By Formerly Fab | September 27, 2008
So, if you read my other blog, you are aware that the other night we were witness to some strange phenomena in our house that cannot yet be explained.
Clearly the house is haunted.
So now I am waiting to see what else happens. The early stuff is always benign. Then gradually the evil spirit ramps up the intensity, and before you know there is blood coming out of the shower faucets, ectoplasm starts seeping through the walls, and creepy little dead kids with big eyes start showing up and bothering me while I’m trying to sleep.
Do I need this hassle?
That old midget chick from the Poltergiest movies…is she still around? I might need her.
Topics: For Your Information | 6 Comments »
I am quite the handyman
By Formerly Fab | September 27, 2008
Who needs a lot of fancy tools?
Why do I need a screwdriver when I have a dime? Why do I need a hammer when I can go outside and get a brick? Why do I need sawhorses when I can cut wood on the trunk of our two cars?
Sure, it’s not a good idea to improvise in every situation. For example, using a steak knife for blackhead removal is probably not a good idea. Also, kitchen cleanser is not a good substitute for bar soap.
Word to the wise.
I should probably get my own home improvement show on one of those cable channels. I would pull in big ratings with my everyman approach to hme improvement.
Topics: For Your Information | 2 Comments »
Bowling is not for EVERYONE
By Formerly Fab | September 26, 2008
The last time I was at the bowling alley, there were some little kids bowling a few lanes down from us.
They had the advantage of those rubber or inflatable watchamacallits that are placed on the sides so that the little tykes can’t throw a gutterball. That is irritating enough. Hey, I throw a gutterball every once in a while. Where are MY rubber watchamacallits?
However, what really ticked me off was that the little weasels had also been provided with some sort of aluminum ramp on which they could place the ball and have it roll down the alley fairly straight. I had never seen one of those before. So now not only can’t they throw a gutterball, but they can have the benefit of a straight ball every single time.
How does that teach them anything?
These kids were so young that they couldn’t even put the ball on top of the ramp without help.
Here is a radical thought: keep your damn kids out of the bowling alley until they are old enough to bowl like the rest of us. Why do accomodations have to be made so that EVERYBODY can do EVERYTHING? Take them to Chucky Cheese, take them to the playground, take them to the dogtrack.
But keep them out of the bowling alley.
Topics: Angry Mr. Fab | 1 Comment »
My hands are lethal weapons
By Formerly Fab | September 26, 2008
That’s right. You don’t to get into a slap fight with me, buddy. Plus, I am not above scratching your eyes out. And when that doesn’t work, I can roll into a ball like an armadillo, or play dead like a possum. I am very versatile.
Not everybody has my ninja-like skills. I hope those people invest heavily in self defense products. When trouble strikes, it’s nice to have a little pepper spray on hand. Don’t make my mistake though, and substitute it on your mashed potatoes in place of regular pepper.
That was an awkward trip to the emergency room.
Topics: For Your Information | 1 Comment »
What is a Tarheel, anyway?
By Formerly Fab | September 26, 2008
North Carolina is the Tarheel State. I don’t know what a Tarheel is. Are there are a lot of puddles of tar all over the place that people keep stepping into? Is it so hot there that the roads melt? Why would someone live in a place like that? Good gosh, a person must go through a hundred pairs of shoes in a year out there.
I’m not moving there.
All that tar is bound to cause a lot of accidents and injuries. I hope that folks out there have good NC health insurance.
They’re gonna need it.
Topics: For Your Information | 1 Comment »
Don’t limit your shopping possibilities!
By Formerly Fab | September 26, 2008
I enjoy shopping. Well, I enjoy shopping for certain things. I am more likely to get excited about shopping for electronic goods than I am about shopping for throw rugs.
Most of my shopping is done online. And the first place I check when looking for something is Buy.com. Regardless of what you are looking for, if you keep checking back, it is a pretty good bet that they will eventually have a sale on what you are looking for.
Trust me. They’ve got it all.
I’ll give you an example. A few days ago I learned that one of my favorite musical artists, Rodney Crowell, has released a new CD, Sex & Gasoline. I punched it into the search engine on the site and sure enough, they not only had it in stock, but at an excellent price. I will be ordering it as soon as I complete this post.
I have also been perusing their huge selection of Halloween costumes. I still haven’t settled upon a costume for Adam’s party, and I am seeking inspiration.
They offer great deals on all my favorite shopping categories: electronics, books, videos, and music. And don’t tell Turnbaby, but they also have the most unbelievable selection of shoes. You can browse just about every brand of shoes you can think of.
Uh oh. This could cost me some money.
Topics: For Your Information | 2 Comments »
You know what always seems like a good idea?
By Formerly Fab | September 22, 2008
Eggnog.
Every year I look forward to having some eggnog during the holidays. And every year I take that first sip and wonder what I was so excited about. Inevitably I am disappointed. Yet much like Charlie Brown always hoping that Lucy won’t pull the football away this time, I approach each December with great anticipation that maybe this time I will find an eggnog that I like.
Hasn’t happened yet.
Does anyone have any good egg nog recipes that they would care to share with me?
Preferably with alcohol.
Topics: For Your Information | 15 Comments »
Feeling fabulous!
By Formerly Fab | September 21, 2008
Today I wore nylons for a while. And not just at home. I wore them out in public. I wore sneakers and black nylons. I can’t tell you why. But I can tell you one thing: they felt awesome. Very comfortable.
It got me started thinking about how good it might feel to wear other items of women’s clothing. Perhaps I will start wearing some frilly underwear. I bet that would feel divine.
I would probably draw the line at footwear, however. I can’t picture myself wobbling around on a pair of Asgi shoes. I’d break an ankle for sure.
I don’t know how you ladies walk around on those things.
Topics: For Your Information | 2 Comments »
